By the time we reach adulthood, we’re expected to be responsible for our own thoughts and emotions: we can’t just blame other people every time we’re unhappy or upset. But if you didn’t learn how to be happy and relaxed in childhood, how can you expect to be happy and relaxed in adult life, when circumstances could be more adverse? In this episode, we do our best to give you pointers:

  • Self-loving thoughts that are caring, respectful and esteem-building will always make one feel better, while self-critical thoughts have the opposite effect.
  • Jealousy and envy can become habitual, but viewing them as signs of one’s values allows for self-improvement instead of stewing in negativity.
  • Unconditional positive self-regard is important for well-being and can fulfill some of the role that therapists (and good parents) play.
  • One’s sense of self-worth should not depend on external validation but come from within through self-love and self-respect.
  • Gratitude for the positives in one’s life is healthier than focusing on negatives or falsehoods, and no less sophisticated.
  • Everyone has innate worth, regardless of perceived flaws or failures, including you.
  • Treat yourself with the same care, respect and forgiveness that you give to others.
  • Combine a growth mindset of learning from mistakes with self-compassion when you do make mistakes.
  • Rather than being selfish, self-care allows you to better help others by being emotionally fulfilled.

Table of Contents:

00:00 – Introduction
01:02 – Stoics and CBT therapists are right
10:18 – Think to yourself the way you would speak to a friend
13:33 – Love and esteem are needs, not luxuries
20:58 – Recognize the innate worth and dignity in all human beings, including yourself
29:21 – Practise gratitude by keeping your attention on what’s both truthful and uplifting
31:02 – Outro

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